Ice Cube
As I’ve stated trillions of times, I care about the little things when it comes to the coffee cart experience. The cups, lids, and straws. The ambiance. The décor.
I don’t know which one I care more about – the ambiance or the décor.
(I really hope people get that reference).
But one “little thing” I’ve always cared deeply about is ice. The ice makes the drink.
There’s a time and place for all ice cubes. And because I’m a sicko, I’m going to compare each one to a sport. Let’s get into it:
Pebble Ice (the soft, chewable one)
This might get some people angry.
Pebble ice is soccer.
There’s a select group of people who SWEAR by it. Will use it as their primary shape. Year round. With their morning coffee, lunch Diet Coke, and their rum punch after dinner.
And you know what… they have a point… once every four years.
If I’m in the right location with other people who are also enjoying pebble ice beverages, I’m all-in. Put my ass in Hawaii with a Mai Tai and I’m the biggest pebble ice fan on the island.
But after the consumption of pebble iced drinks are done, the reality sets in.
The soccer hangover.
The weekly nil-nil draws that wake you up at 5am. Parched and confused. Head pounding and mind-numbingly frustrated.
I’ll swear it off for good. Until the next World Cup (or tropical vacation) arrives again.
Crescent Ice
America’s pastime. Found in freezers from sea to shining sea.
If you’re like me (if you are, I deeply apologize), you watch baseball almost every single night.
However, I seldom get FIRED UP for a game, as I would for a massive Monday Night Football matchup or a Master’s weekend.
It’s hard to get insanely juiced for Yanks-Sox game in the Bronx on a Friday night, because they’re playing again on Saturday and Sunday.
But when the Yankees don’t have a game, I’m legitimately upset. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ll throw on Jeopardy to get through the first 30 minutes of my evening. But you’d find me dead before I watch an episode of Wheel of Fortune.
When I have my crescent cubes, all is well. Nothing spectacular, but never disappointed.
When I go somewhere and their ice is worse than crescent ice, I’m a lost puppy. Longing for the days for what my freezer pumps out regularly.
Infused Ice
Are you ready for some football?!?!
This ice is destination worthy. Making the trek out in the frozen tundra to enjoy it at a bar.
It’s not an every day cube. It’s an honor and a privilege to enjoy it.
Cherish it while you have it.
The start of the season is full of excitement. It’s fresh. You’re getting a feel for the roster. As the season wears on, the attrition sets in.
You take smaller and smaller sips, hoping it’ll stick around for longer.
But it dissipates. The infused part spills into the drink. The playoffs have begun.
And before you’re ready for it, the Super Bowl is over.
And now it’s a few dreary months until OTAs start back up.
It’s even drearier if you’re a Dolphins fan, like me.
#FinsUp
The Large Rock
Let’s take this to the links. The large rock is golf.
It’s the weekend cube. The relaxation cube. The “take a deep breath and enjoy what you’ve built” ice shape.
Ball, cube, diamond, I don’t care. If I’m drinking a spirit-forward cocktail (as I typically do), I need a large rock. Bonus points for more clarity and less imperfections. I even throw a large cube in a paper cup if I’m taking a drink on the road (not literal road, the proverbial road).
It’s best enjoyed with friends. It’s classy. Not the most pleasant experience when it’s 100 degrees out, but it will do the job.
When we’re hired for our bartending service at catering events, if the cocktails allow for it, we love bringing our large cubes. A cold brew carajillo on a large cube? Coffee old-fashioned with walnut bitters and cherry smoke? Ain’t nothin’ better.
Nugget Ice (the harder, non-chewable version of pebble ice)
Don’t make a Denver Nuggets comparison. Don’t make a Denver Nuggets comparison. Don’t make a De….
The Nuggets!!!!!!!
Nikola Jokic is kinda shaped like a piece of nugget ice, no?
Shaved Ice
Let’s take it to the rink.
This was the easiest and hardest comparison.
So I’m gonna say the ice that flies off the rink from players skating around reminds me of ice chips. And that’s most similar to shaved ice.
Think that comparison is too lazy?
Write your own blog.
Neat
Tennis is neat. That use of the word “neat” is a double-entendre.
In no world am I taking a neat drink over a large cube.
But I’m certainly taking a neat drink over a drink with bad ice.
But when all hope is gone, and the major sports are no where to be found, tennis is there for you. At 4am or 4pm. Tennis can be watched. And enjoyed.
I’d argue that the best cocktails in the world are served neat (or served up).
I’d also argue that the US Open is one of the best sporting events in the world.
Bagged Ice
crickets
I have no idea what shape bagged ice is supposed to be. Similarly, I’m not quite sure how cricket is played.
I’m not going to figure either one out anytime soon.
But it’s ALWAYS on tv. The same way that bagged ice is always available.
Ubiquitous, but I don’t ever want it.
Crushed Ice
Crushed ice is stupid and I don’t know why this is ever an option.
It’s offensive to name a sport comparison as useless and dumb as crushed ice.
Badminton.
